Who puts a gerbil in his ass, I mean, seriously?

Taken from Encyclopedia Dramatica, which is absolutely fucking hilarious btw, I found this at the bottom of the Hamster entry

“In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil,” Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew “Kiki” Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.

“I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in,” he explained. “As usual, Kiki shouted out ‘Armageddon’, my cue that he’d had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn’t come out again,so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him.”

At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. “The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the tubing, igniting Mr Tomaszewski’s hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil’s fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball.”

Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.

Link to page

I suppose the first question, after I laughed my ass off for about 5 minutes straight, crying myself to stop, was, who puts a Hamster in their ass?

The second, is, well, WTF, I dont know what the second question is, but I’m sure it’s going to be hilarious.

3 thoughts on “Who puts a gerbil in his ass, I mean, seriously?”

  1. You really believed that story? lol…

    That’s okay. I’m a homo, and it turns me on to see straight guys – assuming you’re straight – laughing at gay guys. :)

  2. COMMENT APPROVED!!!

    it’s not a true story? shit, if it was, it’s one of the all time most amazing stories ever, I laughed until it hurt when I read this, then every new word I read from the story, was a 5 minute laugh-a-thon.

    I dont think it’s at the gay aspect, it’s just at the sheer absurdity, I mean, putting a fucking gerbil in your ass, thats gotta rate quite highly on the “What the fuck are you doing” meter, amirite???

    Gay quote of the day(paraphrased): TEXAS!!! Shit only steers and queers come from Texas!! and you don’t look much like a steer, so I guess that kinda narrows it down a little, doesnt it?

  3. Whether or not this singular story is true, some version of this has happened to someone, somewhere at some time.

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